Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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