u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So many bounce houses so little time
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
