People in love make me want to vomit
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
