If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
