I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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