I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
