it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
