like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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