I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
