i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Semen is not good for contacts.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
