I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
