I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
