I'm eating all of the evidence.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
