i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
