I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Can Purell be used as lube?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
