I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
