Whod you bang
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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