ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
