This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Randomize
