what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
