Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
