do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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