New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
