Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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