I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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