At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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