Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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