just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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