What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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