We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
