Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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