Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
