The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
birth control should be required to get into college
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Drake has all the answers
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
