i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So squirting runs in the family.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
