toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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