Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
