Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
