Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
