Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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