That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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