when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
