so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
