It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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