My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
