You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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