I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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