y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
