Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
