Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
