She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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