Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have so many feelings about this burrito
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm both gender and math confused
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
