My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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